What do you mean to me?
by Jade Straight
Summary: Far away, where you thought there was nothing there. In a old wizarding school where it was darker than the darkest night, there was a light in the north tower. A girl sat, chewing on her pen. Suddenly hit by an inspiration she started a list


Title:

Title: What do you mean to me?,Chapter 1: 'Sister to Brother'   
Author name: Silveray   
Author email: [][1]SparklingSilveray@excite.com   
Category: Romance   
Keywords: L/J Marauders   
Spoilers: PS/SS CoS PoA GoF FB QttA   
Rating: Pg-13   
Summary: A Lily/James fic. Lily wants to be more to James than a friend, James is playing the role of Lilys late brother. Can they both find out what they mean to eachother?   
Disclaimer:This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. I own Vera Shire, Kelly Sloppt, Amanda Sutton, Dave Ronto, Kaliph, Jer, Telphin Boot, Dawson Smith and Stacey Drawn.   
  
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Far away, where you thought there was nothing there. In a old wizarding school where it was darker than the darkest night, colder than the coldest hour, There was a light in the north tower. A girl in that room sat by her desk chewing on her pen. Suddenly hit by an inspiration she started a list. This was a very odd list. It looked like the following:   
  
A list of reasons to hate James Potter   
-He always pronounces my name as Lil -ay   
-He always steals a bite off my chocolate pudding when im not looking   
-He ALWAYS finds excuses for copying my work   
-He loves to tease me by kissing me ...on the mouth   
  
Which i dont mind much, Lily thought. But then mentally kicking herself, she procceeded to brainstorm on her list. Lily Evans was a witch. By saying "witch" i dont mean a terribly horrible person and i dont mean one of those ugly green-skinned witches that ,dressed in black robes, ride on brooms on full moons and brew potions in a huge cauldron. So they ride on broomstick , but not ONLY on full moons and their cauldrons are rather large. They do wear robes...sometimes, but believe me, theyre not green-skinned and ugly. Well...some of them are, Ugly...not green-skinned.   
As i was saying. Lily was a red-head. No, her face was not red. Red-head as in red-haired. She had a fair complexion. Fair meaning beautiful and...well...fair? Not fair like this arrangment is very fair: I keep the dog and you keep the cat (personally, i get a better deal. Dogs are really friendly. Cats just lay around but lets not go there...yet). So, i had covered that Lily is a red-HAIRED girl...oh yes, i never told you she was a girl, infact she is, i said SHE and SHE is female, so now you know that Lily is female. So she is a girl, she has red hair, is a witch(sixth year) and has a fair complexion. Lily is pronounced as lil-ee not lil-ay, how she mentioned above that James Potter ,who i will tell you about now, pronounced it. James Potter, was her late elder brothers best friend. He had jet Black, Jet meaning very black not fast, although he is fast in Quidditch, he was a jet black haired seventh year with brown eyes. She was friends with Amanda Sutton and Stacey Drawn. Amanda is pronounced Um-and-a not A-man-duh. Staceys real name was Anastasia pronounced Ann-as-ay-shia or Nas-ta-shia, but shes known as Stacey, who i personally- whats that Lily? Oh i see. From here Lily will take over the story because she thinks im giving er-   
"too much information"   
um yes, sort of. Sort of meaning-   
"Yes, Silver. we know"   
well then good luck Lily.   
"uh-huh"   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Hes so Dreamy, i thought. But then reminded myself he was dating Kelly Sloppt. Stacey (Anastasia) thinks hes hot, Amanda thinks hes cool, I think hes... hes a brat oops! Anyway, i know i dont mean it. Why did i have to fall for him? My best friend? Im the last person he wants to see at a ball, let alone date.   
-He dates just the pretty girls   
-He acts like im his sister   
-He doesnt let me date anyone but the guys HE likes.   
I want to be more than a friend i thought, Cant you understand that James? Cant you feel it? Isnt it Obvious? I frowned.   
"I wish Ted were still here. He'd tell me what to do. I wish i still had him here"   
"Lily, From this day on, I promise i will never make you feel unprotected. Ted is gone, And now IM going to be here for you"   
"Where are you Ted" i asked aloud "Why did you desert me here, Why did you leave me here brotherless?"   
Ted was killed two years ago. He was the oldest Evans. Lily's body Guard and James best friend. He was murdered by Voldermort.   
"I miss you, Ted" I said outloud, remembering the scene when James promised never to leave me alone.   
"But James...What about when you get married?"   
"You'll be married too..."   
"Im never going to Marry,"   
"Please do."   
"You dont want to be with me?"   
"Ofcourse i do!"   
But he didnt, hes with Kelly, im alone.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Lily worked into the night, soon she was done with the list, it looked pretty much like this:   
  
A list of reasons to hate James Potter   
-He always pronounces my name as Lil -ay   
-He always steals a bite off my chocolate pudding when im not looking   
-He ALWAYS finds excuses for copying my work   
-He loves to tease me by kissing me ...on the mouth   
-He dates just the pretty girls   
-He acts like im his sister   
-He doesnt let me date anyone but the guys HE likes.   
-He goes out with a new girl every week.   
-He always wants me to be with him 24 hours a-day (except when hes going all sappy with his girlfriend, i get sick and escape...like now)   
-Every one thinks im lucky, bacuse James cares about me so much, but im not!   
  
Lily pause when He loves to tease me by kissing me ...on the mouth does a brother kiss sister? on the lips? she thought. I dont think so.   
"Lily?"   
Lily whipped around . "Oh...its just you."   
James Potter chuckled taking a seat "Yes its just me" his voice hardened "where were you?"   
"Just came up here to...finish my homework."   
"Want me to take a look at it? Why didnt you call me to help you?"   
"I thought you two would need sometime,"   
"uh-huh" said James disbelievingly. "so" Lily said cassually, "how long will this one last?" she prepared for his usual 'shes the one, Lily'   
"not long" said James. Lily stared in surprise, "why?"   
James sighed, "she's pretty...but not very nice."   
Lily laughed as James added "She doesnt like chocolate pudding, so i cant steal hers and... she has a horrible smile, i like girls with pretty smiles. Her laughter's fake. I like your laugh, it sounds like bells. You know...I wish i could find a girl like you." Lily immedietly stopped laughing, why dont you take me then? she asked silently. "are you allright?" asked James. Lily nodded not looking at him in fear her eyes would betray something. James frowned, "Did you owl, your mother?" he asked her. Lily shook her head still not meeting his eyes. "you better," said James, "you can borrow Big nose if you like (his owl). Mrs. Evans has to leave to Brazil, better get it to her then" Lily got up and left, "send my regards" he called after her back. After checking the clock (it was 6;30), he got up yawning. Then he decided just to look over Lilys homework just for the heck of it. he scanned the peice of parchment, and frowned. He picked it up to get a better look at it. He used his wand to make an exact copy of Lilys list. He put it in his pocket and departed. Doesnt Lily like me? he thought as he climbed through the portrait hole. Am i being over-protective? Oh Ted! Where are you?   
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Lily giggled as she backed onto the wall. Dave Ronto grinned and put his hands on either side of the wall where she was standing, bracing her. "Did anyone tell you you were really beautiful?"   
"lots of people" Lily replied   
"If my dreams come true and you start dating me, All the boys would be jelous."   
"Who said dreams cant come true?"   
"Then you'll go out with me?" asked Dave hopefully. "I never said so" Lily whispered, smiling sexily.   
"You want it formally?" said Dave raising an eyebrow.   
"maybe"   
"ok...Lily do you-"   
"Lily!"   
Lily looked round. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were heading towards them. Dave immediatley put his hands to his sides. "Hes giving you trouble?" Sirius asked the instant they were infront of her.   
"no...um..."   
"Lily ill be going," said Dave, "see ya". "you okay?" asked James concerned. Lily glared at him and pushed past James heading for the library.   
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James leaned his forehead on the cold stone wall.   
"Whats up with her?" Sirius said surprised. "Maybe she got up the wrong side of the bed." Remus suggested. "Maybe she's turning into a were-wolf" said Peter grinning evilly at Remus. Remus lunged at him.   
"She hates me" James mumbled. "What was that?" Sirius yelled over Peter's squeks of help. James shook his head. He reached into his pocket and pulled out Lily's list, wordlessly he handed it to Sirius, Sirius's eyes widened as he read the list. Remus and Peter had finished their world war 3 and were reading the list over either of Sirius's shoulder. Sirius threw the list on to the floor. "where did you get this?" he asked. "I duplicated it from the orignal copy in the study room." admitted James. Sirius sighed and shook his head, "James you are cracked, i told you and told you! Leave Lily alone, she's grown up. I bet she got really mad and made this crummy list 'bout you." "I made a promise, im going to keep it!"   
"You sure make stupid promises" said Sirius irritatibly, he regretted ever saying it, "James, im sorry i-" "never mind" said James sadly, "i suppose...I shouldnt have treated her like Ted. I could never be him and i knew it i just thought if i could-"   
"James"   
"-Just be there, help her like Ted would-"   
"James"   
"It could be alot better if i had just-"   
"JAMES!" snapped Sirius, Remus and Peter. James sighed, Sirius frowned, Remus stared and Peter looked sad.   
They were quiet for a moment (A/N: i know it seems impossible. Marauders quiet for a moment, what was i thinking!) Then Remus broke the silence "Lets go before were late for potions..." he left and the rest followed.   
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Lily stormed into her room and slammed the door, the last lesson was an hour ago (getting lost didnt help).   
"CURSE THE WORLD!"   
Stupid James! Always tailing another girl, never notices me! well...notices me TOO much...but in a different way. Ruined my chances with Dave!   
"CURSE THE WORLD!"   
Stupid Sirius!Always giving James his 'good advice' and playing pranks on Lily all day long.   
"CURSE THE WORLD!"   
Stupid Remus! Always feeling sorry for himself, never accepts help. Cause of why the marauders were anigami. James didnt let her become one either!   
"CURSE THE WORLD!"   
Stupid Peter! Always says he will do something but never does it!   
"CURSE THE WORLD!"   
Stupid Petunia! Always Jelous just because she got good grades! Never wanted to be friends, never kissed or hugged!   
"CURSE THE WORLD!"   
Stupid parents! Always praising me and NEVER noticing Petunia. They were the cause of why her sibling didnt like her!   
"CURSE THE WORLD!"   
Stupid Dave! Always runs away when James comes near. Other times acting like a Macho man.   
"CURSE THE WORLD!"   
Stupid Castle! Always changing! Been here for six years and still get lost!   
"CURSE THE WORLD!"   
Stupid teachers! Making her life miserable! Always making her study so hard to become a 'goody-two shoes' making all other pretty snobs dislike her! Making her a prefect!   
"CURSE THE WORLD!"   
Stupid Voldermort! Killing people for no reason whatsoever! wrecking their lives! Killing Ted!   
"CURSE THE WORLD!"   
Stupid World! Making idiotic people and making life so complicated!   
After finishing with her comments she sunk into the dephts of her bed and sobbed her heart out.   
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James knocked on Lilys door. "Lily open up!" he yelled. receiving no answer he magicked it open...he was greeted by a vase. "whoa" he said as he ducked a mug. "GET OUT!" Lily bellowed.   
Now James was scared "Lily...lets talk!" he walked towards Lily. He dodged a blow. He grabbed hold of her wrists. She looked like a wreck, her hair was messed up and her eyes were all red. she tried kicking him, but James threw her onto her bed pinning her legs with his knees. "You are the worst person i have EVER met, James Potter and for your safety I suggest you leave the room." she said. James sighed "what did i do now?" he asked. Lily glared at him and said two words...   
"Dave Ronto"   
James shook his head getting of her, "hes a coward" said James, "runs away from a rat." (wich was partly true he had screamed and ran away from Peter when he was in Anigami form.) Lily scowled "I dont care!" she said huffily ,sliding out from under James and leaving the room.   
"Where are you going?" said James   
"Im going to go have sex with Severus Snape!" she yelled. "If you dont mind!"   
James stayed in her room for a while, then decided to play a game of chess with Remus.   
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Lily was feeling terrible at the end of the day. She didnt MEAN to be mean, It just came out. What anyone would have called an...outburst. "Ill have to apologize to James, i wish i could, i think i can" she muttered to herself as she climbed the portrait hole causing some first years to stare, "I think i can! i think i can! Ted would want it." the last sentence made her sure of it. Ted's liking was good enough for her. She knocked on the 7th year boys dormitory. Sirius's head poked out, "hey Lily!" he said looking very pleased she was there, "hold on. Ill go get James!" he left there was a muffled "James! Lily is here to see you. Get out now youve been in there for half an hour." She heard the door slam and Sirius's triumph laughter. In less than a second James was standing infront of her looking at her pleadingly. Lily looked down and took a deep breath. "Im sorry" she said at last, "Im sorry for being mad at you and throwing Stacey's favorite vase at you...but im not sorry for her vase. I hated it." James grinned and pulled her into a hug. "Im sorry too," he confessed "I didnt mean to scare Dave away even though hes a little lump of-"   
"James!"   
"I was going to say banana"   
"yeah right...you little lump of banana"   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
"Wheres Lily?"   
"dunno"   
"Im going to go find her." said a concerned James. "Ill come with you" volunteered Remus "I have to go to the library anyways"   
They went out the portrait hole and started walking down the stairs. "When is the next full moon?" asked James. "Monday" said Remus. James shook his head, "But the feast is on monday" he said. "yeah" replied Remus listlessly. "But they have to do something!" James objected "Its not fair! Lets go ask them to change the date or somethin". "I-" Remus stumbled on something but caught himself on time, he gasped. Sprawled on the floor was Lily Evans. Blood was running out of her mouth and nose. Her wrist was lying in an akward position as was her leg. "censor censor" swore James, picking Lily up. "careful" said Remus "she might have broken something...looks like it too" he put Lilys hand carefully on her chest and supported her leg as James carried her to the hospital wing.   
"Good Gracious!" said Madam Pomfrey, "what happened?"   
"Dont know, Madam P" said Remus watching James put Lily on a bed, "We found her on the Arthimancy staircase."   
He looked at James who was staring at Lily silently, "Im going to the common room to tell the guys," he said "You gonna be ok?"   
James nodded as Remus left.   
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"Is she going to be okay?" asked Sirius. Albus Dumbledore sighed, "Madam Pomfrey has not confirmed that yet," he said "Evidently she has broken her ankle, her leg,her nose and quite a few ribs. That will take some time ofcourse. Alot of bruises that will heal themselves. Anymore injuries that we are aware of, Madam Pomfrey will alert you". Sirius sighed as he watched James fiddle with his fingers, he had remained quite sinse they had found Lily. Lily sat down next to James as Dumbledore left the room. "you okay?" But this was the wrong thing to say. James stood up "AM I OKAY!!!! MY BEST FRIENDS SISTER GOT ATACKED AND YOUR ASKING IF IM OKAY!!!" He bellowed grabbing his hair, "I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET HER GO TO THE LIBRARY ALONE! PLACE IS FILLED WITH LUNATICS!!!! IM GOING TO GO TO THE SCHOOL BOARD AND GIVE THEM A PEICE OF MY MIND! THERE IS NO SUCH THING CALLED SAFETY OF STUDENTS HERE!!! ONCE I FIND OUT WHO DID THIS IM GOING TO BEAT THE censor OUT OF THEM!"   
  
There was silence for a minute. then Remus said...   
"dont tear your hair out James...your gonna regret it when you grow up." James didnt say anything beacuse at that moment Madam Pomfrey came in "Whats all the yelling about! You woke up half my patients allready...no Mr.Potter Miss. Evans has not regained concience yet. That was not very convinient i will have to ask you all to leave." Slowly the four marauders left the San.   
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"Lily! Who did it!?" Were the first words James said when he entered the hospital wing. If anyone had looked more like a survivor from the troll war in 1789 it was her, Madam Pomfrey had bound her chest to heal the ribs the muggle way. She had magickly fixed all the rest of her bones but Lily was still tired and emotionally exausted. "Malfoy..." she said hoarsely "Lucius Malfoy and his Goons. They saw me alone. Lucius threw me at the staircase and the stairs cut into my ribs. Calif stepped on my knee and Jer put his foot on my neck to choke me. They would have done more but they heard voices and fled." James expression was of Rage, Disgust and and a known hunger asking for one thing...revenge. The rest of his visit was pretty good James had brought her roses and they spent the time thinking of all the things that were good about being in the hospital. Soon it was time to go.   
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"It was Malfoy."   
"i knew it!"   
No more than five minutes after that an angry mob of four 7th years were advancing towards the dungeons.   
First Stop   
The bell rang and Slytherins streamed out of 'ancient ruins' Lucius Malfoy was pulled into a cuboard and beaten throughoutly, when they were finished the marauders put a memory charm on him and left him in the middle of the corridor.   
Next Stop.   
Slytherin common room. James, Sirius, Peter and Remus waited outside the wall. Soon Calif and Jer came out. James and Sirius did Jer as Remus and Peter did Calif. They too had their memories modified and were left in a deserted classroom.   
Last Stop   
Moaning Myrtle's toilets. Vera Shire, Lucius Malfoys girlfriend, she hated Lily and was probably the reason Lily got injured. They used her make-up to draw mustaches and turned her hair green. They modified her memory, sending her to march around the corridors making a fool out of herself.   
Home   
The boys congratualated themselves on a job well done. Lily didnt know and they planned to keep it that way. Leaving no evidence they had terrorized four of the most hated Slytherins. Thankyou Marauders.   
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"Im going out with Telphin Boot!" sang Lily as she skipped into the common room (it was about a month after the four Slytherins were beaten up. They were still in the infirmary) "oh life is so good!" The marauders were sitting by the fireplace doing their Divination. James frowned "Ist he the one that tried to die my underwear pink as a joke to please the so-called-goddess Narcissa Esther?" Lily paused and nodded, hoping James wouldnt stop her. But surprisingly James nodded and turned back to his homework. Lily's heart sank, he didnt feel the least bit uncomfortable? He didnt care? Lily bit her lip...please say something, she pleaded in her mind, say theres no one good enough to date me but you...just like you did five years ago when i was dumped by Dawson Smith. But he didnt say anything and Lily went through the day with lower spirits.   
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"It doesnt make any difference,   
cause you dont love me that way.   
i might be a witch,   
but i dont know what to say.   
  
How can i make you notice,   
How can i make you touch,   
How can i make you kiss me,   
I love you so much.   
  
The magic i do, isnt real,   
Its just artificial stuff.   
No one can make me do the other magic,   
Not Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff.   
  
How can i make you notice,   
How can i make you touch,   
How can i make you kiss me,   
I love you so much.   
  
Im afraid to force you,   
use a potion or a charm.   
But i dont dare to do such things,   
cause they might bring you harm.   
  
How can i make you notice,   
How can i make you touch,   
How can i make you kiss me,   
I love you so much.   
  
I dont know how,   
to make you kiss me now.   
I i will someday,   
I will find a way.   
  
How can i make you notice,   
How can i make you touch,   
How can i make you kiss me,   
I love you so much."   
  
A tear slid out of Lily's eye. She was home for the winter vacations. Somehow the song sung by Rose Snave (it was playing on the radio station, beWITCHING minutes) matched her life. "Im going to find a way to make you love me, James" thought Lily, "even if i die trying."   
"Would you really die trying?" came a voice   
Lily spun around,   
"hey" said the figure   
Lily gasped.   
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